Above and Below the Line Behavior
First introduced to us through The Conscious Leadership Group, the ‘Above and Below the Line’ model has proven to be an incredibly valuable tool to remain conscious of throughout the day to become better attuned with your behaviour and the choices you are offered. We cover it in extensive detail in week 3 of our Men’s Group introduction course.
Have you ever taken a moment a few hours after an event and thought to yourself “Why did I act that way?” or “It just came out wrong?”
It all comes down to the difference between two personal philosophies and which one you adopt as you go through your day. “The world happens to me” vs “The world happens by me”.
Approaching routine scenarios with the attitude “The world happens to me” will often result in Below the Line behaviour.
Below the line behaviour is the kind of behaviour or attitude to something that you take in the heat of the moment that in future you may come to regret. It comes from a place of resistance and threat and often takes the form of something reactive, defensive or recycles drama beyond it’s worth. To understand this further you can look at it in the forms of statements and language you may have used, specific behaviours you may exhibit or beliefs you may hold on to.
Examples of a below the line language in a statement may be:
I/You/They can’t...
I’m right/They’re wrong...
An apology with an excuse.
All of the above show an unwillingness to view the world as happening from a perspective other than your own and as such, will often bore out a negatively skewed reaction from whoever is on the receiving end of them.
Examples of below the line behaviour include:
Gossip
Suppressing Emotions
Use of numbing aids to alleviate stress or pain.
Can you see how the behaviours above can be fuelled very efficiently by having the philosophy that you are a victim, that ‘the world is happening to you’? If you internalise the effect of actions that could have just passed you by, you’re much more likely to end up gossiping about somebody else’s behaviour that was actually irrelevant to you; perhaps having a drink to feel better or to try to distract yourself from dealing with the emotional impact an event has had on you.
Finally, personally held beliefs can strongly impact the way you receive information from the world. If one of the below is something you find you tell yourself regularly you may risk a knock on effect to other below the line behaviours or statements:
Being right is the most important thing to me.
I need to be in control (even if it’s not something controllable).
Safety and security come from something outside of myself.
All of the above are incredibly rigid and lean towards a strong reliance on things out of your control working in your favour for you to maintain a healthy headspace.
You may be thinking “Hang on a minute, I do pretty much all of that at some point or another, isn’t that normal?”. To which we would say yes, that’s absolutely normal, most of us spend a lot of time below the line, but through some self awareness and knowledge of when you have a conscious decision to make about how you respond to something, you can make massive strides.
Approaching routine scenarios with the attitude “The world happens by me” will more often result in Above the Line behaviour. Experiencing events unfolding from this perspective helps you to not take things so personally and choose better responses.
Above the line behaviour is behaviour in response to something that better embodies the values we want to share with the world. It comes from a place of acceptance and trust and takes the form of something curious, responsive and growth orientated. As an alternative to the statements and language listed above, here are some Above the Line approaches to take:
I take responsibility for...
What I hear you saying…
I choose to...
See how all of the above come from a much more open, learning orientated and curious angle than the rigid, below the line statements? They’re also much more likely to elicit a more productive conversation if spoken aloud with others and through that curiosity you may empower someone to explain something better in a far less accusational way.
Example of above the line behaviour include:
Taking responsibility.
Feel and understand, rather than numb emotions.
Expressing genuine appreciation.
Where the below the line behaviours proved defensive and protective from a ‘threatened’ angle, the alternative Above the Line behaviours are much more ‘open’. For example, leaning into your emotions instead of turning to a source of numbing relief may cause discomfort in the moment, but you are far less likely to carry around the unresolved response to emotion for the rest of the day if you let it come and pass. Similarly, science shows that showing appreciation for others' work, if genuine, releases chemicals in the brain that give you a warm, positive, bonded feeling. So it’s a bit strange we don’t all do it more often!
In terms of beliefs, they form the bedrock of everything you do and react to throughout the day, holding above the line beliefs like those below will offer a great start to getting this model working for you:
I am the creator of my own wellbeing.
There are more than 2 possibilities (e.g. not just right and wrong)
Revealing creates connection.
Again, where below the line behaviours showed rigidity and over-reliance on external factors, these above the line alternatives are enlightening. When we discuss this framework in our Men’s groups that first statement “I am the creator of my own wellbeing” always catches the eye. It seems like such an obvious thing that would make our lives so much better, yet it’s surprisingly difficult to pinpoint why it’s so tricky to wholeheartedly embody.
In many ways that sums up the Above and Below the line concept. It’s not something that perhaps you will ever ‘master’, we will all spend a significant amount of time below the line but some awareness that you have a choice in how you respond to a situation and a clear visual of ‘a line’ to work can help you really progress your emotional development.
Similar to classic Stoic philosophy, Above and Below the line feels like a contemporary take on living with guidance, knowing you ultimately have a choice in how to respond to any given situation. The difference is that where stoicism often calls for, to some extent, a suppression and removal of emotion from a scenario, the Above and Below the Line model factors it into the process and healthily acknowledges the valuable signals our emotions can provide us.
I’ve found it to be one of the most useful mental tools I’ve come across and I find myself putting it into use multiple times a day everywhere from home to the track and at major competitions. Through adapting my held beliefs to be centred more around curiosity than fear, my training has taken on a different angle, I feel more willing to try new things and step outside of my comfort zone and in many ways it is that attitude that drives innovation in whatever setting you’re in.
Whilst this article just scratches the surface of Above and Below the Line behaviour and how knowledge of it can make meaningful change we cover it in full detail in week 3 of our men’s Group intro course and discuss in depth to really dig down in a group to find out how we can make the model work for all of us individually.
f you’d like to learn more about how the Above and Below the Line concept could support you, please book a free consultation today!
Ryan